1. That I won’t be able to do my work as a wife, a mom, and in the church this semester because I’m consumed with adoption paper work.
2. That I’ll mess up paperwork and create an impossible situation that won’t be realized until we get to Ukraine
3. That Ukraine will mess up paperwork and Katya won’t actually be available for adoption
3. That the financial resources for adoption won’t come in
4. That once we arrive in Ukraine and “choose” her, Katya will not want to be adopted
5. That I won’t be able to run while we’re in Ukraine
6. That I will be forced to eat potatoes every day for five weeks
7. That our time in Ukraine will stretch on endlessly in bureaucratic red tape
8. That Ukraine will close adoption before we can get Katya
9. That Russia will move on Ukraine as she did on Georgia
10. That gas reserves will run out, Russia will hold out, and Katya will freeze
Some of these fears are silly, others are more practical, and others are so far beyond my control. When I consider Katya being so far away in an orphanage I’ve never seen, impacted by world events which are 5th or 6th page in our local newspaper, I am shaken. What if the “Bear” raises her head and claims the “Wayward Cub” by force or by freezing before we can bring Katya home? What if civil war breaks out in Ukraine as the rift between East and West, old and young widens and Katya is lost forever.
I can truly say along with Jonathan Edwards, “the doctrine of God’s sovreignty has very often appeared an exceeding pleasant, bright and sweet doctrine to me” and yet this process is testing what I believe.
But, by the grace of God, I have not received the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but have MYSELF received the spirit of adoption as a daughter of God, by whom I cry , “Daddy, Papa, Abba!” knowing that perfect love casts out ALL fear and so I fall on the neck of my Daddy and ask Him who is perfect love to displace my fear with love and with courage and with resolve to fix my eyes on Christ, the author and perfector of my faith trusting that He who has begun a good work in me, and in our call to adopt Katya, will see this good work through the completion. (Romans 8:15, 1 John 4:18, Hebrews 12:2, 1 John 4:8, Philippians 1:6)
So pray with me that Katya will be safe, that the orphans will not freeze, that Russia will back off and behave in a humanitarian way, that I will be diligent in the work God has set before me every day and will not allow fear to have a foothold in my heart. Pray that our family will catch glimpses of the bigger picture of this call and that our hearts will soar with true hope knowing that we are stepping out in faith into something that is far greater than what we can see or touch.