Archives for March 2010

Now, creating PYSANKY Finley style is not new for our family, and not even new for Katya.

However, this year, we’re going to attempt the real deal.

Passover Seder, Resurrection Rolls, and a “He’s ALIVE” cake have been part of our Easter Celebration for years. But this year, we’ll add in PYSANKY!

Yesterday, on the way home from our homeschool co-op, I asked Katya if she had ever made pysanky in Ukraine. “No,” she said. “I’ve seen them, but I’ve never made them.”

For Katya, our desire is not to wipe out her culture, erase the first eight years of her life, make her forget the grandmother who she loves and misses, but to see her past become healthily integrated into her present and her future. She has a new identity. She is no longer “Grabchenko” but “Finley.” And yet, the threads of her first eight years contribute to who she is in the present and the tapestry of who she is becoming for all eternity.

I understand this process. I was adopted into a new family at the age of 21. I have a new identity in Christ. I came with baggage, scars, and even open, gaping wounds – some of my own doing, some not. The Lord was patient with me (and continues to be) as He nurtured my faith giving me milk to drink, taught me to crawl, stand, and then walk, exchanging my ashes for beauty, and declaring freedom over me, even when I wanted to return to Egypt. But, even so, He didn’t erase the shaping influences of my life. He didn’t even declare them all bad, but rather said …

“All of this that is your life ‘before Me’ was really not ‘before Me.’ I was there.”

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. Jeremiah 1:5

I chose you before the foundation of the world was laid to be holy and blameless, adopted as my child. Ephesians 1:4-6

I saw you in your slavery. I saw you and I know your sufferings. I heard your cries and I came to deliver you and bring you into the land. Exodus 3

You did deliver me, Lord, as surely as you set Katya on that airplane and brought her home with me and into our family. You delivered me, far more than I know. And you are still delivering me.

You say, “Remember.” Remember the slavery. Remember your deliverance. Remember. That’s what the Passover is all about. Remembering.

And so, as we celebrate Passover declaring Jesus as the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world, the One whose blood is painted over the doorframes of our heart … as we make Resurrection Rolls symbolizing Jesus who went into the tomb but was not there on Easter morning … as we cut into “He’s ALIVE” cake celebrating that Jesus is indeed ALIVE and one Day will return, we will be remembering.

And, as we make PYSANKY we will remember and celebrate Katya’s Ukrainian heritage because who she is and who she is becoming is shaped by all that she has experienced. And ours is too. Although the 38 days I was separated from the other six was a huge price to pay, it was worth it – not only for the obvious reasons, but also because it gave us more time to enter into Katya’s world, to walk the streets of Odessa, to experience her life at the internot, to feel what it’s like to be sojourners in a foreign land, and most significantly … to spend time with Tamara, the woman who gave up her granddaughter that she might have life.

So, between our Passover celebration on Thursday night and making odd connections between Jesus, marshmallows, cinnamon, sugar, and butter and Saturday evening, we’ll make PYSANKY. And we may even have borscht for dinner!

These were the words I heard my newest daughter say as I ventured into Princess Paradise.

At dinner that night, the conversation had flitted and flowed from one topic to another …

~ Our first college visit for Sara Maria. (Can you believe that I am doing college visits? Surely I was just doing college visits myself last year!)

~ Our 18 hours in the Big Red Van to and from Dayton, TN made bearable by a highly entertaining audio of The Penderwicks on Garden Street. (If you don’t know Batty, Jane, Skye, and Rosalind, I highly recommend you get acquainted.)

~ The splishing and splashing in the Holiday Inn pool that showed that Katya truly is part fish and that she really is a Finley.

~ Who will get to wave palm branches the next day and whether or not participation in “Children’s Worship” is a prerequisite

And then …

~ What happens between the time you die and the time Jesus comes back, provided Jesus doesn’t come back before you die? …

Now, I have no idea how we got here. It truly was a very everyday ordinary conversation. And then, BLAM, before we knew it we were smack-dab in the middle of a conversation about “soul-sleep,” what Jesus meant we He told the thief He would see him THAT DAY in Paradise, and then the kicker of all kickers, what our familial relationships would be in heaven.

Theological discussions are not unusual for our family. We have them all the time and in all the normal contexts of life. They arise in the prescribed times of “Family Devotions,” proceed from personal “Quiet Times,” but most often just are part of the everyday warp and woof of life in the Finley Family.

But while we’ve discussed pneumatology, eschatology, christology, missiology, and various other –ologies … albeit without the fancy labels, apparently, in recent times we haven’t touched upon the passage that struck fear into several of our children’s hearts…

In the resurrection, they neither marry nor are given in marriage. Matthew 22:30

Without regard to the rising fear around the table, we plunged ahead. “We’ll all be married to Jesus.”

Good grief. While this is a glorious thought, it proved to be highly disturbing to little girls whose stability rests upon their reality that Mom and Dad will ALWAYS be married and ALWAYS be their parents. Repeatedly, we’ve chosen to communicate that divorce is never an option for us. Being two passionate people with strong opinions, this has been a necessary thing to verbalize…repeatedly. But that’s another post.

SINCE divorce is never an option, the more concrete thinkers have made the understandable mental leap that we will ALWAYS be married and ALWAYS be their parents.

I don’t want you to be married to Jesus. I want you to be married to each other.
Who will be my Mama? Who will be my Daddy?
You mean we’ll ALL be sisters and brothers in heaven?

And considering some of the, well, loving tussles that occur among the siblings, you can understand why this last question would strike fear in their tender hearts.

So the conversation went with Bill and I declaring the glories of heaven, how much fun it will be, and our conviction that we will be 100% perfectly happy. In the past, as we have discussed whether or not Gwyneth, Troy, Geckie, Lily, Charlotte, and various other animals, who have gone on to “Pet Glory” will be in heaven, our conclusion has been …

God knows exactly what you need for perfect eternal happiness. If you need Gwyneth, Troy, Geckie, Lily, Charlotte, the bird that Topsy killed, the mole that washed up on our sidewalk, or any other creature, lion, lamb, komodo dragon, or otherwise, to be perfectly happy, they’ll be there.

But, that wasn’t good enough to address this fear. As we sent them off to brush teeth and put on the jammies, we wondered about the Pandora’s Box that had been opened.

Soon it was time for stories, Bible, prayers, and last hug and kiss. Into Princess Paradise I ventured.

But, Mama, I want you to ALWAYS be my Mama.

declared Katya as Piper lay sobbing in her bed. And on she went …

Piper says she doesn’t want to go to heaven anymore. And I’ve told her that heaven is beautiful.

Katya pulls out her Illustrated Russian Bible that Bill and I had bought for her while we were in Ukraine. Heaven, is indeed, a beautiful place with lions and lambs, doves and deer, people clothed in white, and a city on a hill- just beautiful.

Katya and Piper, not only is heaven beautiful, but Jesus will be there. And He will make sure that you are absolutely perfectly happy forever and forever and forever.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:3-4

No more orphans. No more slavery. No more widows. No more heart disease, cancer, or anything. No hospitals. No pharmacies. No band-aids. No pain. At all.

I wants you to ALWAYS be my Mama.

My sweet Katya and Piper, I don’t know how all this will play out. I don’t have all the answers. But I know who does. And I know He loves you more than I ever could. I know that He knows exactly what you need, not only now but for eternity. I know that He is GOOD and His plans for your are to prosper you, not to harm you. He says, “I will NEVER leave you. I will NEVER forsake you.” And He ALWAYS keeps His promises. You can trust Him. You can trust Him.

As I snuggle with the girls, wiping tears from eyes, cuddling, kissing, hugging … my heart settles on Katya’s words…

I wants you to ALWAYS to be my Mama.

This from the little girl who just over three months ago had no Mama. No Papa. No brothers. No sisters. Katya, while I can’t make the promise that I always WILL be your Mama, I am for as long as I have breath in me. You have a Mama. You have a Papa, who more often than not is called “Daddy” these days. And all of this rescue and redemption that is your story, dear Katya, points ahead to a much deeper rescue, a much greater redemption – one that even death cannot sever. And dear one …

I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

And so, sweet Katya, although in my earthbound heart and emotions, I want to always be your Mama, more than that I want you to rest securely in your adoption into the eternal family. You have been adopted by us, never again to be abandoned in the hospital or left in an orphanage. But we want more than that for you. We pray that one day this will be your testimony, as it is ours …

You have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ. Romans 8:15b-17a

“Katya arrived last night – so tired she couldn’t even walk to the van.”

And so, on June 20, 2008 my journey to “open my mouth” for this one who could not speak for herself began. Katya was one of the hundreds of millions of orphans in this world. She had been abandoned at birth as a 2.2 lb. preemie, taken in by her grandmother, and then placed in a Ukrainian orphanage when she was six years old. She had no voice.

Katya is no longer a statistic. She has been rescued, even redeemed. But not by Bill and me. Not by us. We were merely a fumbling pair of hands and feet who were willing to be His hands and feet as He began an Isaiah 61 on this little lamb. In spite of our fraility, He used us.

And now … Katya is home. She has brothers and sisters.

And a Mama and Papa …

Katya’s story is burning in my heart … as are many more stories. Stories and messages of healing, hope, and help to encourage women to go after all the fullness of LIFE which Jesus offers. Messages to place courage into the hearts of women as they contemplate their identity in Christ and how to cross the Jordan into the land. And we need courage, for there are giants in the land…

Five years ago I participated in She Speaks, a conference offered through Proverbs 31 Ministries. Since then, the Lord has opened avenues for me to speak at women’s retreats, MOPS events, and churches. I have loved every opportunity the Lord has opened up.

Now, She Speaks beckons again, but this time, I sense a call to participate as a writer. My desire to write the messages the Lord has given me continues to be stirred as I study the Word and pray. Godly women and men say “Yes!” when I tentatively share these desires. And now, I’m getting it out there for the world to see …

Although the price of the conference is quite a bargain for the value of the workshops, the speakers, the expert advice, the opportunity to meet with publishers and connect with other speakers and writers … as a ministry family with seven kids, the cost is potentially prohibitive.

But, Lysa TerKeurst, of P31 Ministries, is offering a full scholarship to She Speaks. If I am able to attend, I will participate in workshops such as:

How to Prepare a Powerful, Effective 15-Minute Publisher Meeting
Magazine Writing 101: Honing Your Writing Skills
Book Proposals That Get Noticed
The Pathway to Publication
Advanced Writing Techniques: Moving from Good to Great
How to Write a Book
Become a Marketing Maven
An Agent’s and Writer’s Best Advice

I will even be able to meet with publishers and present a book proposal…

Katya’s safe now. She shares “Princess Paradise” with a sister. She rides a bicycle and climbs trees. She has three meals a day and as much fruit to eat as she would like. She gets tucked in bed every night with books, Bible stories, prayers, and songs. But there are others who are not safe. Others who still need rescue.

There are widows who need care.

There are foster children who need shelter.

There are homeless men who need work … and dignity.

Katya’s story needs to be told. And not because her story is so compelling, so unique, although as her Mama, I surely think that it is. Her story needs to be told because God is asking me to “open my mouth” and tell it. And not just speak about it, but write about it that others may join me in

learning to do good; seeking justice, correcting oppression; bringing justice to the fatherless, and pleading the widow’s cause. Isaiah 1:17

Katya’s story needs to be told, because frankly, if we can do this, then others can too. And not just adoption, but all that Isaiah 1:17 is talking about…

seeking justice, correcting oppression; bringing justice to the fatherless, and pleading the widow’s cause..

all as a means for learning to do GOOD instead of evil that we may participate with God in HIS Kingdom work. ‘Cause that’s what it’s about – doing what HE’S doing, what’s on HIS heart.

Do you agree? Do you think Katya’s story needs to be told? Do you believe that others need to be inspired to participate with God in what HE is doing on the earth?

And, if anything in Welcoming Katya has encouraged you or inspired you, I’d love to hear about it!

Three months. It’s been nearly three months since Katya and I arrived at Dulles. Coming home has never been so sweet. I imagine the sense of being reunited with your nearest and dearest is a foretaste of what it will be like when the veil lifts between earth and heaven. The feeling of barely bridled anticipation as I waited in the line at customs and then watched suitcase after suitcase go round and round before mine and Katya’s appeared – this is what I want my life to be in the “now” as I anticipate what is to come in the “not yet” – barely bridled anticipation, consumed with preparing, ravished with love, and poured out for His Kingdom.

As I pushed our heavily laden cart through those metal doors and my family … my family and many friends were waiting for us. Cheers erupted from this group of faithful friends, precious progeny, and my dearest love. I couldn’t get into his arms fast enough. I imagine it will be like that when the time comes for me to pass through the ultimate metal door and into the arms of Jesus. Though I’ve never seen Him with my eyes, I have seen Him. And as absolutely breathtaking as it was to find myself wrapped in the arms of my husband, that will pale in comparison when the veil is lifted, faith becomes sight, and I see Him as He really is.

Three months out. At unexpected times, the stories come. Today Piper was sick. She awoke this morning with a fever that spiked at 103.2 this evening. Through the day, Katya has been concerned. “Five times,” she shared, “I was sick like this. Five times I went to the hospital.”

They don’t keep sick kids in the orphanage, fix them chicken soup, monitor their fevers, tuck them in on the couch with their favorite books and a smoothie. They don’t brush the hair out of their face and give them Motrin and pray with them. They send them to the hospital. This way the germs don’t spread.

“There was a mean girl at the hospital,” she told me this afternoon. “Grandmother brought me food, but this mean girl threw it out the window.”

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t know…” And off she headed with Cameron to play in the sandbox.

So much hurt. So much pain. So many ashes. Oh, how I long for Katya, my daughter, to experience the deepest heart healing that comes from Jesus alone, to claim the good news He offers as her own, to walk in the freedom He has bought for her, and to see Him with eyes of faith so that as she waits on the other side of the heavy metal doors, her heart will leap in anticipation. And then as she crosses from one side to the next nothing will stand in her way as her faith becomes sight and she flings herself into His arms, the arms of the Bridegroom with joyful unbridled abandon.

“No more tears,”

He’ll whisper

“You’re home.”

He’ll say as He strokes her hair.

Wrongs will be made right. No more wars or rumors of wars. No more hurting children who feel the need to thrown another’s food out the window. All will be well. All will be new.

And she’ll revel in the good news, the liberty, the sight that were won for her.

Drink, my Beloved, drink from the spring of living water, the wellspring of your salvation. Drink deeply.

She’ll be in his arms. The crowd will be cheering. “Welcome Home!” the signs will say … And coming home will have never been so sweet.

Okay, so I know it has been FOREVER since I have posted. More about that later, but over the past few days I have again felt the prompting to write, and tonight provided the perfect story.

Sara Maria, our oldest, turns 17 this weekend so we are celebrating tonight. Through the years we have developed birthday traditions that we all hold dear – siblings decorating the dining room, a special meal (Crook’s Corner Shrimp and Grits, Garlic Ginger Green Beans, and ooh-ahh … Flaky Biscuits from a CAN), and a special cake (Esther’s Orange Marmalade Layer Cake), but between dinner and cake, each member of the family shares what they appreciate about the “birthday girl or boy” and then give their present, or presentS.

In our family, Bill’s birthday is in December followed by Grace and Adelyn in January. So Katya has seen this routine play out several times already and has quickly caught on. We have seen that gift-giving is perhaps her highest love language as we have been the recipients of all sorts of presents in the past few months, so the excitement has mounted as she has plotted her birthday gift for Sara Maria this week.

Now, in order to understand Katya’s present to Sara Maria, I need to fill in a few details. First of all, Katya is successfully potty-training (Thank you, Lord) utilizing the tried-and-true behavior mod strategies of a sticker chart and prizes. Last week, she earned a big stuffed horse. Since Piper has been instrumental in Katya’s success, I brought her home a pack of Tic-Tacs – just to say, “Thanks!” Piper, in true Piper fashion, shared them with Katya who decided that Tic-Tacs were the perfect gift for Sara Maria and elicited my help in making a plan to secure said Tic-Tacs.

Secondly, Nana (my mom) who is the most organized woman on the planet and perhaps the most thoughtful as well, sent Valentine’s cards up for the family which arrived sometime around February 10th. Into my cubby they went awaiting our Family Valentine’s Celebration Dinner. (Can you tell we love a party?) Well, since I’m not the most organized woman on the planet, one of the kids discovered the cards just THIS WEEK. So, we got to celebrate Valentine’s Day all over again. In each card was $10. Katya immediately put it in her sparkly purse seeing this as the means to buy Tic-Tacs for Sara Maria, which leads me to the third factor.

We have been so blessed by our relationships with three young women over the past few years – Maddy, Molly, and Beth. These dear women are like daughters to Bill and me and like older sisters to the kids. They have eaten dinner with us, taught the kids music lessons, done laundry, stayed in our home when we’ve been out of town, helped me clean, fix dinner, and have drunk countless cups of tea around the farm table in our breakfast room. I’ve even road-tripped with them to PA where I spoke at a Women’s Retreat and they provided the music. So, when it’s time for them to clean out their closets, we are often the recipients of their bounty. When Molly moved to Kansas City as an IHOP intern this January we received several bags from her and in one was a sparkly purse, which Katya claimed for her very own. It has carried little Breyer ponies, Polly Pocket, and quite a collection of hryvnia, euros, pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters, and now a $10 bill.

On Monday, Maddy arrived with bags and boxes from Beth who is preparing to head to Africa to serve with our dear friends, Eric and Holly and Special Hope Network. Now, all the girls are snazzy dressers, but Beth has some shoes. Like the sparkly purse, several particularly snazzy pairs were claimed by both Piper and Katya for what I thought was their dress-up collection.

Fast forward to today. As promised, I took Piper and Katya up to Earlysville Market to purchase the aforementioned Tic-Tacs. But, alas, they did not have the red and orange Tic-Tacs that I had brought home for Piper, and green ones just weren’t as appealing. BUT, they did have gum and Mentos. So, after much deliberation, Katya purchased a package of each with the intent to keep the gum for herself and give Sara Maria the Mentos.

So, tonight Piper shared with Sara Maria what she really loves about her sister and gave Sara Maria her gift (a book chair so that Sara Maria doesn’t have to waste unnecessary energy holding her books, and a pack of gum – also purchased at Earlysville Market) . Then Cameron shared what he really loves about his sister, and gave Sara Maria her gift (a Breyer “Minnie Whinnie” that he purchased from Shenanigans, and a pack of gum). Are you seeing the trend? By this time Katya was beside herself ready to give her gift. She brought over a gift bag which I knew was WAY to big and too full to hold a mere pack of Mentos.

Grace asked Katya, “What do you like about Sara Maria?”
Katya’s response – “I don’t know.”

We don’t have this part of the tradition down, but we definitely have the gift-giving. So, Sara Maria opens up the bag and pulls out a pair of cream and gold high heels. “Perfect for the prom!” Next comes another pair of black patent leather high heels. “Perfect for … something!” Now, you need to know that Sara Maria, up until last year was most comfortable in camo shorts and an over-sized sweatshirt, but she is transitioning into a young woman. However, Beth’s shoes are about two sizes too small …

But, here’s the kicker. I fully expected Sara Maria to next pull out the package of Mentos, but she pulled out … a stick of gum. I thought, “Isn’t that sweet. Katya gave her a stick of gum from the pack she bought for herself.”

And then Sara Maria does not pull out a PACK of Mentos, but one Mento, then a second Mento, then a third. Instead of the PACK of Mentos, she has given Sara Maria three INDIVIDUAL Mentos!

This explains the surge of energy observed about 5:00 this afternoon … Surprise!