for adopting parents, there’s something new to do in Ukraine! Spetznaz Training! Otherwise known as the KGB Military School! For the dads who have some testosterone to work off after wrangling with the courts, the SDA, boys who are displaying interest in your new teenage daughter, the taxi drivers, or stray dogs, this may be the PERFECT thing for you to during the “now and not yet” time of bringing home your new son or daughter.
You have three options:
Martial Arts Camp in beautiful Crimea …
Where you can sunbathe and scuba dive after four hours of intense KGB training which includes (quoting):
* Unique and rejuvenating daily Morning Exercises
* Fundamental and advanced Hand-to-Hand Combat
* Fighting from the Ground
* Knife fighting training
* Psychological Foundation and Reserves of Psyche in extreme situations
* Personal Protection on basic and professional levels
* Key Health principles and practices
* Comprehensive Conditioning
* …and much more!
But, if Martial Arts Training is not your cup of tea, you may be interested in the second option – Counter Terror Training. I cannot tell you where this training is conducted because it is “spy” training and therefore very secretive. I can, however, tell you that you will enjoy five days of “incredible personal protection basics that will stay with you for a lifetime” including, and I quote:
Instructors will be Spetsnaz professionals and Spetsnaz instructors.
Do you understand this? I don’t, but perhaps a picture is worth a thousand words …
But, perhaps this opportunity feels too, well, grounded for you. Then you may be interested in the third option – Airborne Training. Not only do you get hand-to-hand fighting, you also get Spetznatz Navy SEALs who teach you to defend yourself from enemy attack. And, counter-terrorist evasive driving skills in which you not only drive fast, but you also learn to ram through barricades and run attacking vehicles off the road. (This explains a lot.) Parachute jumping with counter ambush techniques, survival in mountainous terrain, and the pinnacle of your week – Russian Navy SEAL Training – will round out your Ukrainian adoption experience. You will learn underwater patrol and hand-to-hand combat AND get to shoot real underwater weapons. Following this penultimate experience you will have a relaxing day sightseeing in Kiev. But, then it is time for Airborne Training with mines, Russian combat pistols, and “mashines-guns shooting.” Your Airborne Training experience will conclude with a pleasant day of role playing in which you will act out a scenario such as this:
“Your team have been selected by an ultra-secret paramilitary organisation for a covert mission in hostile territory. Only the best-trained agents will be able to survive the mission. High speed evasive driving both on and off road, combat pistol shooting, unarmed self-defense, espionage techniques, counter- surveillance, explosives and boobytraps. The mission is critical, the training is absolutely real, and the atmosphere is PURE FUN AND EXCITEMENT!”
Hey wait! Is that the SDA in the background?
You’ll finish out your Spetznaz experience with a little kum-bah-yah time and s’mores around the campfire …
and then be delivered to the airport in a “Mersedes” mini-van to travel back to the orphanage and pick up the newest member of your family.
Whether your motive is to connect with Ukrainian history, learn defensive driving techniques, or for the dads, to work off some extra testosterone, check out Spetznaz Training in Ukraine!