for you or for me.
During the summer of 2010, I spent hours preparing a book proposal. Thanks to a very generous friend, I was heading to She Speaks. I had participated in this amazing conference years before as a speaker, but now I was going as a writer.
That summer I spent hours in prayer, research, writing, and coming up with what I thought was a pretty amazing premise. Bill put in hours covering the kids, listening to me, and loading my Starbucks card.
Finally, I headed to Charlotte, NC with my proposal in hand. I was excited and hopeful. God had spoken to my heart. I believed that the message he had given to me was for other women too.
But, by the time I met with the agent for my appointment, I knew that my proposal looked like the homespun creation that it was. I still believed in my premise, but my proposal didn’t measure up. The agent just wasn’t interested.
I left She Speaks with blisters on my feet and my homespun proposal tucked in my black leather portfolio.
At least that was what it felt like. Not only did I feel like I had let myself down, but I also felt like I was letting down Bill, the friend who had paid my way, and other friends and family who had rallied around me that summer.
I headed to the beach with my family. As I dug my toes in the sand, I grieved a bit. I rested and enjoyed Bill and the children, but I also grieved. Failure wasn’t the final word, but it felt like it.
Can you identify? Is there something you have gone after, longed for, dreamed about? Something, perhaps, that you even feel like God has given you or promised you, but it doesn’t seem to amount to anything? I’d encourage you to take some time and ask God to bring to mind your broken dreams. Many of us get so good at burying our hurt and denying our pain. We don’t take time to grieve. On Friday, I’ll post Part 2. I won’t leave you in this spot, but I have found that it is good to not run too quickly from pain.