Six summers ago our church was preparing to send a team to Columbia, South America for a 10-day mission trip. One night, as the kids and I were praying, Sara Maria who was at that time eleven years old asked, “Mom, can I really pray for anything?”
“Sure, Honey, but just know that God’s answer could be “Yes,” “No” or “Wait.”
So, Sara Maria began to pray. She prayed for Columbia. She prayed for our church. And she prayed that God would open the door for her to go.
Immediately, I was ready to answer for God. Of course He’s going to say “No” to that one, right? She was a very cute eleven year old little girl. Backing me up was one single statement from this travel website …
“There Is A Serious Risk Of Kidnapping And Crime Throughout Most Parts Of The Country.”
But God didn’t say “No.” Not only did God say, “Yes,” but He also said, “Cindy, go with her” INSTEAD of going to She Speaks 2004.
As you can imagine, the impact of this trip upon Sara Maria and upon Bill and me was life altering. The stories we could tell … Quite frankly, I believe that this trip was a God-orchestrated trajectory establishing trip for Sara Maria, but only time will tell.
This morning I didn’t get my “Yes.” Four other women won the She Speaks scholarship for which I applied…
And Allison Anderson, whose email entry you can read here.
And while I am excited for them, truth be told, I’m sad too, sad for me, and struggling with feelings of rejection, just as Lysa said I would. She’s right “No” is hard. “Wait” is hard.
Ultimately I truly am excited for these four women. I believe that Lysa and her team heard from God and chose the women HE wanted for this scholarship. I even believe that there are reasons that HE led them to not choose me. Perhaps His reasons will become evident in time, but perhaps not. I know that His plans are good, that His purposes for me are for that which will bring the most Christlikeness in my life. I know He works all things together for His glorious good.
And, I know that He is not rejecting me. He’s not putting the “L” on my forehead, or declaring, “You’re not a writer.” He’s shaping me, conforming me to His image. He’s giving me more reason to rely upon Him for my identity than on anyone or anything else. I know that this hiccup is a piece of who He is shaping me to be. And while my head knows all of this, my heart is still getting it.
For Sara Maria, six years ago, God’s answer was a surprising “Yes!” For me this morning, He didn’t answer “Yes.” And, honestly, it does sting. So, I’ll press in to Him, give myself grace, climb into His Daddy arms, do some laundry, start spring cleaning, and wait for my heart to catch up.