In the Finley Family we've had a fair number of missing child crises. We've thrown the Charlottesville Mall into lock-down. We've had to turn the big red van around and retrieve a child left at the Salvation Army. And, we've scoured the waves at Pine Knoll Shores watching for the body of one of our daughters to surface. But, we've never lost a child for three days.
Mary and Joseph faced this crisis.
When I read the story in Luke 2:40-52, I find myself not only watching Jesus who
- longed to be near His father
- listened to the teachers at the temple, and
- loved his parents well by giving them truth to treasure
but also watching Mary.
Mary faced a horrific family crisis. Her son, the Messiah, was missing. She had gone a whole day without even knowing he was missing.
Can you imagine the conversation between Mary and Joseph? "What do you mean he's not with you?"
Can you feel the panic Mary felt as they went from aunt, to uncle, to neighbor asking "Have you seen Jesus?"
Retracing their steps toward Jersusalem, stopping strangers on the road, can you sense the desperation rise as Joseph stops travelers saying, "We're looking for our son. He's twelve years old, brown hair, brown eyes. Have you seen him?"
After three days of searching, Mary and Joseph find their way to the temple. They see Jesus, sitting with the teachers, listening to them, asking questions, and astonishing everyone.
In my mind, the camera zooms in on Mary. I see first the anxiety slide off her face and tears of relief form in her eyes. Then I see bewilderment and frustration rise up as she approaches him in the midst of the rabbis. "Jesus, you've been here the whole time? How could you possibly treat me and your father this way. We have been looking for you for three days!"
Joseph places a hand on Mary's arm as Jesus turns to his parents. "Why were you looking for me? Did you not know I must be in my Father's house?"
As Mary hugs her son, and Joseph guides them away from the temple, neither parent understood all that their son meant in his questions. But together they returned to Nazareth as a family that had weathered a crisis. Their family culture enabled them to weather the crisis.
A family culture that weathers crisis can't be created in an instant. It has to be cultivated over time. From this story, I see four marks of Joseph and Mary's family culture that enabled them to weather this family crisis, four marks that I want to cultivate in our family.
1. Traditions
Now his parents went to the Jerusalem every year at the Feast of Passover. Luke 2:41
Every year Mary and Joseph went with family and friends to Jerusalem. This was probably a ten-day trip including travel time and their celebration of the feast. This annual pilgrimage was a tradition for Jesus' family. Traditions are important to family culture. Traditions give our children benchmarks of the "way our family does things" as well as a sense of family identity.
2. Trust
Supposing him to be in the group, they went a day's journey, but then they began to search for him among their relatives and acquaintances. Luke 2:44
I don't see negligence in the way Mary and Joseph parented Jesus. I see trust. Surrounded by family and friends, they made a reasonable assumption that he was with them. Too many of us are "helicopter parents" and are so afraid of risk that we fail to communicate that we trust our children. I see in Mary and Joseph a culture of trust that I want my children to sense from me.
3. Truth
"Son, why have you treated us so? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you." Luke 2:48
Although Mary's question was prompted by fear, and likely frustration, it's an honest question. She didn't bury her emotions and pretend like all was fine. She honestly communicated her feelings. Being able to truthfully, and with love, communicate your thoughts and feelings creates a healthy family culture.
4. Treasure
His mother treasured up all these things in her heart. Luke 2:51
Just as she did following the shepherds visit to see Jesus (Luke 2:19), Mary thoughtfully considered all that had happened. I want to be this type of mother, one who considers the events of our lives and the hearts of my children, who prayerfully treasures, ponders, and cherishes them. I want to be a mother who seeks God's perspective on our days, rather than simply my own limited sight.
When crisis hits, it's too late to create a family culture to weather the storm. By building meaningful traditions, an environment of trust and honest communication, and a heart that prayerfully treasures our family members now, we will be better prepared to weather the crises when they come.
What do you do in your family to create family culture? Do you have a story to tell of how your family culture helped you to weather crisis? I'd love to hear it!