Am I enough?
As much as she inspires me, Ann Voskamp makes me feel inadequate. Actually, she doesn't make me feel anything. It's not her fault. It's mine.
I look at the beauty of her life and feel that I am somehow less because I don't have a Thanks Giving Tree in my house.
This also happens to me when I look at Sara's printables. I see her prayers for her children, and somehow mine seem powerless, lame.
I know Sara. I know her in a by the well doing our laundry together kind of way, but when I see her prayers for her children, and read the beauty of how she processes adoption, and how she adores Jesus, I feel ... less. But it's not her fault. It's mine.
And while I know this feeling, this one of inadequacy, is a lie, still ... I feel it. I'm wondering if you do too.
Am I enough?
Comparison is the root, don't you think?
We've heard the whole thing about beauty so many times, that I think this one is sinking in. We know that beauty is much deeper than skin or the size of our jeans. We still notice, but I think we're getting more and more okay with deep beauty, real beauty found in tear-streaked cheeks, and laugh lines, and stretch marks.
What I'm not sure about is whether we're getting okay with who we are as mothers.
The question haunts us. Am I enough?
And in this world where we get glimpses into the lives of women through what they choose to post, we doubt. We really doubt.
Or, maybe it's just me...
Am I enough?
I battle this doubt, this nagging question, this fear with truth.
- I read that I am God's child, royalty, chosen, light.
- I read that I am created with purpose, for glory, for beauty.
- I read that I have a hope and a future.
And all this is good and true and lifts my heart.
But there is one verse that answers my doubt and speaks to my fear again, and again, and again.
He tends his flock like a shepherd;
He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;
He gently leads those that have young.
The shepherd leads me. He gathers the lambs and carries them close to his heart and he leads me. He leads us.
While I can be inspired by Ann,
adore, and pray, and see compassion with Sara,
choose to simplify with Jen,
and watch the beauty of legacy with Carolyn ...
I have to become the mom God made me to be by following Jesus.
He gently leads those that have young.
Am I enough?
- As I follow Jesus, I am.
- As I send my roots down deep by streams of living water, I am.
- As I strive deeply and fiercely to abide, and dwell, and fix my eyes on Jesus, I am.
`I am enough.
God brought children to me, by birth and through adoption.
He knows who I am, and he still brought children to me.
He knows who my husband is, and who we are together, and he still brought children to us.
And, he's happy about it.
He's not scared I'm going to mess them up.
He's not coming up with a back-up plan for when I mess up.
I'm confident that as I follow him, I will become the mom he made me to be.
Now, I'm not saying to stop reading blogs, or downloading printables, or buying books. But what I am saying is stop comparing yourself to these amazing women.
You are amazing. And you're enough.
God made you to be the mother for your children. You, in all the glorious mess that you are, are enough. You, in Christ, are enough.
Am I alone in this one, or do you struggle with comparison? Are you okay with who you are as a mom, or do you deep-down wonder if God made a mistake in giving you children? Do you secretly wonder if you're going to mess them up? Leave me a comment, connect with me on Facebook, or email me at cynthiafin@gmail.com if I can come alongside you in your journey to believe that in Christ, you are enough.
If you'd like to dig deeper into who God says that you are: John 1:12; 1 Peter 2:9; 2 Timothy 2:11-12; Ephesians 1:3-8; Matthew 5:14; Jeremiah 29:11; John 15:1-11; `Isaiah 43:7; Genesis 1:31